Day 6: A moment you wish you could relive

It was ninth grade.  I stood in a group with some casual friends of mine.  We were at a high school basketball game, but none of us was actually watching.  We had formed a circle, laughing and chattering and sharing all sorts of stories.  Several kids from the opposing school had joined us, and they were all cursing and talking about raucous subjects.  To my surprise, the kids I was with joined in without batting an eye.  I tried my best to stay out of the crude conversations, but I didn't want to leave the group , so I continued to laugh and talk with everyone without cussing or talking inappropriately.

At one point, a boy pulled me to the side.  "I've been watching you," he said.  "You're different.  There's something about you.  You stand out from the crowd.  I can't tell if it's the way you act, the way you talk... or what.   What is it about you that's so different?"

I was shy and timid, proud of myself for merely joining in a conversation that included people I didn't know.  I knew the answer to the boy's question: I stood out from the others because I loved Jesus.  I was a Christian.  However, I was embarrassed.  I didn't want to sound preachy or annoying.  I didn't want to look silly.  I stammered around for a few seconds before finally muttering, "I don't think there's anything different about me." 

"No, there is something different.  I can see it.  What is it?"

"Nothing.  It's nothing.  I guess I'm just a unique person," I mumbled and turned away from the boy and back to the crowd.

I dreamed about that situation for nights afterword.

I had a chance to share the Word of God with someone who didn't believe, and I lost that chance.  I failed the purpose God had for me in that moment.  To this day, I still feel incredibly guilty.  I hate the feeling of having failed God.  If I could go back right now, I would share my faith with that boy and chance a weird look or a mocking laugh.  I would embrace any ridicule I received. 

If you're ever in a situation where you're given the chance to share your faith- but possibly face ridicule- share your faith.  Don't let yourself feel ashamed of your choice later on when you have a moment to look back on the day.  Jesus is worth any and all ridicule.  Never be ashamed of what you believe.

36. Hunger is your friend and it won't betray you like food. - I don't understand how hunger could be your friend.  Hunger kills more than 35,000 people every day.  Hunger, if not satisfied, leads to your death.  Many, if not most, people consider hunger to be a vicious enemy.  Hunger will betray you every time you keep it unsatisfied. 

37. Food is mean and sneaky. It tricks you into eating it and it works on you from the inside out, making you fat, bloated, ugly, and unhappy. - Food doesn't make people fat.  People make people fat. :)  You will only become fat after eating unhealthy junk food.  Good and nutritious food will keep you alive and healthy.  Don't you want to be alive and healthy?  And ultimately, food isn't in control of your happiness.  You are. 

38. Think of anorexia as your secret weapon. - Against what?  Yourself?  Your health?  Your life?

39. If you can name one reason to be fat, I will name a million to be skinny. I'll name them even if you can't find a reason to be fat. - I don't know.  I haven't liked any of your reasons so far...  I know much of this was your disease speaking, but you must realize that there is something between fat and skinny.  There is an average, healthy weight.  That is what you should strive for.  That is what will keep you feeling good and alive.  For every argument you strive to think up, I will find scientific proof of why you should be healthy, not fat and not skinny.

40. Thin people look good in ANY kind of clothes. - Are you kidding me?  I have a naturally thin friend who has to shop and shop and shop to find blouses that look decent on her.  Nothing seems to fit right.  Everything is loose and baggy.  "Oh, I wish I had some curves!" she groans every time we go shopping.  And try finding 00 jeans.  Practically impossible.  I know a few people who have actually gotten alterations on their body because clothes weren't fitting them.

Thanks for reading my final installment of 40 Reasons to Eat.

By writing this, I by no means intend to disrespect those who struggle with an eating disorder.  I know that it is a disease of the mind.  I was angered by the original list... false facts that would cause girls who struggle with anorexia to stumble even further.  By writing this, I strive to show girls who struggle with eating disorders that there is an alternative.  Those aren't logical reasons to not eat.  There is never a logical reason to not eat.

If you or someone you know is dealing with an eating disorder, I strongly encourage you to seek help.  Your life and health are in danger.