This is something I wrote on August 3, 2009.  I wrote this a few weeks after visiting Kenya, Africa and right after volunteering at a camp called Angel Tree Camp, a place where children whose parents are in prison can relax and have fun.  I came across this piece of writing again the other day and thought I would share it on this blog.

---

"I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.  Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine.  I don't want enough of God to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant.  I want ecstasy, not transformation.  I want warmth of the womb, not a new birth.  I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack.  I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please."  -Wilbur Rees

Isn't that what we all want?  Just enough of God to make us feel good, but not enough to break our hearts?

This summer has been exactly the opposite for me.

I've seen enough of God this summer for my heart to be broken again and again.  I have been shattered into a thousand pieces, restored, and shattered again, and yet I feel like this is something that God has been planning for me to experience over these past three months.

Seeing the street boy sin the cities of Kenya, high on glue, unable to walk straight.

The little children in the slums, shrieking with excitement over a little piece of candy.

Students, who are even sponsored, but don't have shoes that fit right... and yet they would absolutely call themselves blessed.  You know why?  Because their neighbors don't have any shoes at all.

Children sticking their scrawny arms through the gates of the school, watching the students eat lunch, wishing in vain for the education they will not have.  For a future that is not to be.

People who have NOTHING, who are STARVING, and yet want to give what they have to those who have less... or more, in my case.

A little girl at Angel Tree Camp, sobbing into my shoulder because she is so ashamed of the sexual abuse she has suffered at the hands of her own father.

Children praying over lit candles for their loved ones who have hurt them, setting the candles on a cross, and letting them float into the middle of the pond, shining through the darkness.

"We get THREE good meals a day here?  I've never had so many meals in one day in my whole life!"

A balloon pops and a girl screams out in a sudden burst of panic, thinking someone is shooting in the cabin... just like they do in her backyard.
 
Kids who live in MY town who have never had a pillow... pajamas... a tooth brush... underwear... a Bible... a father... a hug.

How are you supposed to take this and remain whole?  When little children are hurting, being hurt, enduring pain with silence that screams louder than sound, how can my heart not break into pieces?

But how can I ask for a mere $3 worth of God?  How can I not open my eyes to see the TRUTH?  I don't want to be blinded to the problems until things change.  And they still have a long ways to go.

I'm throwing away that tiny paper sack.  I'd like to buy a million gallon tank that's wide open for everything God has in store for me. 

Open my eyes, Lord.
Let me see the truth.
Let me see the pain.
And let me see the goodness too.
Restore me.  Transform me.  Break me.  Delight me.
I want to see it all.

Last week's article was about being different.  I strive to be different.  Not necessarily in the way I dress (although that matters too), but instead in the way I shape my actions and words.  I know I'm an example of Christ.  You may strive to be different as well. 

The biggest obstacle to being different is apathy.  I'll give you the definition of apathy, just in case you aren't familiar with the term. 

apathy ap-a-thy (āp'ə-thē) n. Lack of interest, concern, or emotion; indifference.

The chaos of life is difficult to overcome.  Believe me, as an honor student finishing my final year of high school, I get that.  Some days, I'm so exhausted that I simply want to fall into bed and sleep for three months straight.  When you're busy, apathy hits hard because you can easily become exhausted.  When you're lazy, it hits even harder. 

When you're feeling apathetic, it's easy to think, "Yes, I believe in God.  Yes, I'm different.  Yes, I abstain from what the 'bad kids' do.  Yadayadayada... but today, I don't feel like being different.  I'm not changing the world.  I'm just a kid.  What does being different even matter?  I just want to blend in with the crowd today.  I just want to be normal."  Sound familiar? 

"It's true!" you might be ready to shout at me from the safety of your computer screen.  "What does it matter if I don't do anything important today?  What does being different even do?  My life is hard right now, okay?  Why should I even care about this stuff?" 

I get it.  I promise you.  It's hard to stand up for what you believe in, and it's hard to stand out from the crowd, especially when you're feeling weary.  Especially when apathy is beginning to set in.  It's tough.  When it comes to apathy, I easily fall.  I am shy, timid, and often filled with doubts.  It's hard to stay strong.  But it's possible.

Why does it matter?  There are two big reasons why you should strive to be a city on a hill that come to my mind.  Because God called you to be different and because there are people watching.  It's as simple and as difficult as that.

God has called us to stand out from the crowd and be different for Him.  One of my favorite verses is Matthew 5:14.  "You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden."  As a Christian teen, you are a city on a hill, meaning that you are an example to everyone around you.  If you're an outspoken Christian, then when people see the things you do, they think, "He's doing that because he's a Christian."  If you screw up and make a fool out of yourself, many will blame it on God or on Christians in general, and not only on you.

As soon as you make a confession for Christ, you're putting a burden on your shoulders.  With your words and your actions, you're showing people the words and opinions of Jesus Christ, whether you mean to or not.

According to God's Word, you're not of the world.  Your focus should not be the focus of other kids.  Miley Cyrus's latest scandal shouldn't be the first thing that comes out of your mouth.  When you log on the internet, why do you need to be watching YouTube music videos where women flaunt their skimpy clothing while dancing provocatively?  You're not a part of that world.  You're a part of God's kingdom.

A famous verse you've probably seen around before is Romans 12:2.  "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will."  If that isn't clear, I don't know what is.  Many Christians read that part of the verse and take it to heart, but they leave out Romans 12:1, the verse that comes right before.  "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship."  Not conforming to the world isn't merely avoiding drugs and sex.  It isn't merely knowing the cool Bible verses and wearing the clever Christian t-shirts.  It's not knowing the words to the worship songs you sing at church.  No, not conforming involves giving the entirety of your life for the purpose of following Jesus Christ, the One who died for you.

You were made to be a city on a hill and a living sacrifice for the purpose of leading others to the Lord.  That means that no matter how exhausted and weary and sick of religion you are today, as a living sacrifice, you were meant to be stretched beyond your limits.  You are a cup meant to be filled to the point of overflowing.  You were meant to go beyond the constraints of religion and into the realm of true faith.

Apathy is a difficult thing to overcome, yes, but God has called you to make that effort.  It's time to stand up for Him now.  Are you in?  

What I've done is probably going to cause a lot of controversy amongst my readers.  Some of you guys may be shocked and angered.  You may call me a hypocrite, and you may say that what I've done is sacrilegious and blasphemous.  On the other hand, I think that a lot of you will be positive about what I have done, and you may even want to do this yourself. 

What I've done is cut up a Bible. 

Now before you start to feel indignant, I would like you to stay seated and keep reading what I have to say.  I did not cut up my Bible because I was angry with God or because I disagreed with things that the Bible has to say.  No, the reason I cut up my Bible was to make a point. 

I cut out every verse in the Bible that has to do with poverty and helping the needy.  The reason why I did this was partially to prove to myself exactly how much importance that God places on serving the less fortunate.  I also did this so that I could have tangible and physical evidence to show people and be able to honestly say, "Look at what our Bible is, at what our faith is, without us serving the poor and the destitute." 

I suspected that there would be many sections chopped out of the Bible after this experiment- big holes eradicated from God'sWord- but I was shocked to discover what was left of my Bible after I had removed the verses about helping the poor and the needy.  My Bible was completely tattered.  There was little left of its pages.  It was unreadable, unusable. 

When Christians do not serve the needy, we are not putting into practice what the Bible so strongly emphasizes that we need to do.  We are ignoring these huge sections of God's Word when we should be obeying them with every fabric of our lives.   

The Christian church today does not put nearly enough emphasis into service .  Don't get me wrong- some churches are focused on helping the needy in their communities and around the world, but most churches are more focused on other things.  These things are also important, but Christians too often overlook the needs of so many people across the globe, and that gives Christ a bad name.  There are people dying of hunger, thirst, lack of medical care, and poor sanitary conditions every single day.  There are so many people who are living without shoes or a home and who are going through life without an education.  This is a huge problem. 

As children of God, we should be following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ, the One who said, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of Mine, you did for Me."  (Matthew 25:40, TNIV)  Service was so important to Jesus, and this is reflected throughout the Bible, in the New and Old Testaments. 

What makes me cringe is the fact that there are so many more secular efforts to feed the hungry and shelter the homeless than there are Christian efforts.  Why do the big rock stars who are into drugs and sex and worldly things do more for the poor than we as Christians- who are supposed to do what Jesus did and live how He lived on earth- do for the poor?  This puts Christians in a bad light when people think to themselves, "I'm doing more to help the hungry than the people who love God do.  Why would I want to be like them?"  This needs to change right now.

Over the next several weeks I am going to be expanding on this vitally important issue.  I am going to be talking about the greatest needs of the world today in regards to poverty.  I will also talk about what you can do as a Christian, right now, in your community and around the world.  Don't allow your faith in Jesus to be tattered and torn like my Bible because of the fact that you ignore one of His most important commands: to help those who are in need. 

Please leave your comments below or send me an email.  I want to hear your feedback about this.  What do you think about this topic?  Do you believe that the church has been greatly apathetic in regards to helping the poverty-stricken people throughout the world?  What do you think about my physical evidence (the ripped Bible)?  What do you plan to do to serve the needy in your community?
 

I don't have much time tonight, but I wanted to drop in and say that I'm sorry about my recent lack of posts.  These last two weeks of my life have been incredibly busy for me, and I simply haven't had time to sit down and think about something to write.

A huge snow storm is supposed to be coming into my city tomorrow, and so I may be stuffed into my house over the next couple of days, which means that I'll be back to writing on a daily basis... and I already have some ideas forming in my mind.

Again, I apologize for my neglect, and I will most definitely write a decent post tomorrow.  

Have an amazing rest of your day.

To be honest, I'm feeling pretty weary today...  It's the middle of January.  It's cold.  It's windy.  I'm going to school for eight hours at a time, working out at the gym after that, and then filling up the remainder of my day with various activities after that.  I'm tired!  My schedule is packed.  I've had some troubles recently that I didn't expect or want.  At the end of the day, all I want is to lie down and say, "I give up." 

I need to keep telling myself, "That's not His plan." 

Even when I am feeling apathetic and tired and worn out and frustrated, I need to remember that Jesus went through the same thing.  Think about when He was walking the earth, trying to express what He wanted to say to the disciples who never seemed to understand.  Think about when He stepped into the temple, only to find that it had been turned into a business instead of a place of worship.  Think about how weary and frustrated Jesus must have gotten while He lived on the earth. 

You may be feeling the same way that I am feeling today.  You may have something difficult going on in your life right now.  You may just be exhausted from a busy schedule or a stressful week.  Whatever is going on, you may feel like collapsing in a chair and closing your eyes for the next two months.

Believe it or not, that isn't His plan for us.  Jesus understands that we get tired.  He understands our daily frustrations.  He knows how it feels to live in a world that isn't easy.  He understands.

Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

When you are feeling tired of life, allow Jesus to envelop you into His arms and give you the rest that you need.  He will be our strength if we let Him.  He is our hiding place.  He is our green pastures and still waters, the place where we can flee when we can't go any further.

I don't think we realize this enough, but Jesus is there for us even on the days when we're just feeling apathetic and tired of life.  He wants to help us in everything, and all we have to do is come to Him.  He will give us the rest we need.  He does not fail His children.  

On this particular day, when I was driving to go work out at the gym and feeling a little bummed out about that fact, a terrible cold front was coming in, and the sky was a dark gray.  The wind was blowing like no other, and the temperature dropped fifteen degrees in half an hour.  A dusky fog was beginning to settle, and the entire town seemed restless and anxious as the upcoming arctic blast headed our way. 

At a certain stop sign, I glanced around, still feeling kinda down in the dumps, when I saw an old, rusty sign standing several houses down from where my car was.  I rushed to take a picture before the light turned, and I'm actually surprised my zoom was able to get such a clear image of the sign through the fog and the dust and the long distance, but here is the sign:

I can't believe that I have passed this sign every day on the way back from school, and I have never noticed it before.  I squinted to read the sign, and when I saw what it said, my thoughts just brightened with realization and a sudden hope.  "That's true," I said to myself.  "I did say that today was going to be a good day." 

And I really did.  But as the day went on, I found it easy to forget about some promise I made to myself when I was half asleep, and focused on other things.

Have you ever done this?  You start out the day with bright hopes and a light heart, but then troubles and worries start to arise, and weigh everything down until you completely forget about your former plans to have a good day until you're lying in bed, wondering what on earth happened to make you feel so stressed out and tense. 

There are so many things that can mess up your day: school work, work-work, bad traffic, mean people, a hectic morning, an angry family member, tragedies, frustrations, illnesses... (the list could go on for pages and pages, but I think I'll stop with general topics.)  I want to encourage you to try to remember to stay positive, even when there seems to be no point to positivity. 

This reminds me of something that happened to me yesterday afternoon.  I was eating lunch with a few of my good friends.  I was feeling down in the dumps.  It was the first day of school after Christmas Break.  We already had homework.  I was tired.  Blah, blah, blah...  I was silently thinking of all of this when one of my friends looked around, beamed widely, and said, "This is such a great day!  This is one of my favorite days!"  She then proceeded to list several good things that had happened to us that day, things that I had not credited into my thought process until just then.  She was being optimistic, and her words truly did brighten up the rest of myday.

When you are having a stressful day... when you are feeling tense and frustrated, I encourage you to stop for a moment and list to yourself a few good things that happened throughout the day.  And if you can't think of anything, think about the good things that Jesus has given you in your life in general... and if you still can't think of anything, then you can remember the salvation and the love and the grace that He has given to you!

There are good things in this world.  As Christian examples on a sorrowful earth, we need to shine as optimistic lights for the Lord.  Promise yourself that you're going to have a good day, and make sure that you do, no matter what bumps in the road come your way.

School starts back on Tuesday the fifth after a too-short Christmas break.  I already am dreading the thought of returning to the class room.  Getting up early, studying for tests in every class, stressing out about my future, keeping a tight schedule with no free time... that just isn't my cup of tea, figuratively speaking. 

Guilty for my bitter thoughts, I keep telling myself that there are children all over the world who long to go to school.  And there are children all over the world who get up at three or four in the morning to walk hours in the darkness, through the dangerous streets, to go to a school with no electricity, dirt floors, and a low-standard education.  And yet they are thankful that they have the privilege of going to school. 

When I think of this, I feel guilty that I dislike school.  I try to enjoy it for the sake of the children who don't have the same opportunities that I do.  In a way, I feel like if I make the most of my education, and strive in the best way that I can to make the best of my life, then maybe I can pay it forward and provide a better world for those who never got the same chances as I did.  That's why I started sponsoring a child in Africa with my allowance when I was in my freshman year of high school.  The thought that I could provide another human being, another child, with everything I have that I take for granted (and shouldn't take for granted), was something that I couldn't pass up.  It brought me down to earth just a little bit, and gave me a reality check about how blessed I truly am.  Children are starving to death all over the world, dying of treatable diseases, and not getting even the most meager of educations that could bring them out of their poverty.    

I read somewhere that the United States has the 19th highest literacy rate in the world (which is ridiculous in its own way, because with our resources, we should be at the top of the list) at 99.0 percent, which means that our youth today should not have an issue going to college, furthering our education, and then using our gained skills and knowledge to change our world for the better.  Burkina Faso has a literacy rate of 23.6%.  Mali has a literacy rate of 24.0%.  What are we doing about this?  Obviously, not a whole lot, or this would not be happening by the twenty-first century.

This year, 2010, is a new beginning in many ways.  No matter your age, I challenge you to change the world around you for the better somehow, someway.  Do everything in your available power to make things even remotely better.  Do something that only you could do, or do something that anybody could do, but nobody has ever bothered.  There are so many global issues in the world today, in the United States, in Africa, in Asia, in South America, everywhere.  There is no country on earth without issue.  There are problems.  And yet, wherever you look, in any nation lying under the stars, you will find one common ground.

Apathy. 

As the year of 2010 dawns today on January first, I challenge you to make a difference.  Erase all signs of apathy from your life.  Be that person you thought you could never be. 

In the words of Elvis Presley, "Do something worth remembering."  It sounds so obvious, but how many people have actually done this?

Stand up with me and do your best this year and from now on to make the world a better place.    

When I see the world, its vast sorrows and shame,
And I look up to heaven and see Your pure gace,
I wonder at why our focus is off.
Why, if heaven is great and the world is so tough,
Why we do not desire the plans of Your heart.
Why we go off on our own and think we're so smart.
I know you are God, and I know I am small,
Yet I blow off Your plans like they're nothing at all.

I spoke for about thirty minutes, and then after, I sat at a table in the back of the room and signed books.  It was cool to be able to meet the people who listened to what I had to say and learn their names.  By the end of the night, my signature was getting more and more messy!

Before I spoke, when my grandma and I were praying and preparing in a back room that was completely painted pink, I practiced what I was going to say ahead of time... most of which I completely threw out the window when I actually got up there to speak.  I'm really not much of a speaker, but I was shocked to see that everyone was attentive and listened, and some people seemed to be really touched by what I said, which is all I could ask for. 

I told the story of when I was at a basketball game, hanging out with some kids that weren't necessarily Christian.  While we were hanging out, a guy pulled me aside and said, "You seem different from everybody else... happier, maybe, I don't know... what makes you so different?"  Embarrassed and shy, I replied, "Nothing makes me different... I'm just a happy person."  I missed the opportunity, and I never want to miss another opportunity like that again.

I hope I didn't tonight.

Several teens stood up and went into another room to be counseled for salvation.  A few more rededicated their lives to Christ. 

I left City Church feeling encouraged by the smiling faces and the fellowship.  I hope I made some kind of an impact. 

On the way home, I heard a song by Nichole Nordeman called "Legacy," and it truly expressed what I am feeling today.  It goes:

"I want to leave a legacy.
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough
To make a mark on things?..."

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This year for me, and I don't know why, seems to be more exhausting than exhilarating.  I am finding myself wearied about things that used to thrill me.  Even getting up and going to church is starting to turn into a monotonous, repetitive task- something that I do every single week without fail.  When my alarm clock rings for the morning, I can barely open my eyes.  I read a chapter or two of the Bible every night.  I used to feel eager about it.  Now I just feel... blah.  You may feel the same way.

And why is that, I wonder?

Is this holiday season stocked so full with commercialization and the hustle and bustle of everyday life to the point that it is wearying us beyond excitement?  Are we forgetting the real reason behind why we should be excited about life?  About God? 

The apostles in the Bible were absolutely stoked about Christ.  They wanted everybody to know that they were happy.  I mean, read about them.  They sang and rejoiced while they were being flogged with whips.  They weren't satisfied with their lives, but not in the same way that we might be now.  They weren't feeling bored... no, they weren't satisfied because they wanted to do more for Christ, to tell more people about Him, to share until the whole world heard. 

Who have you told about Jesus lately?  Seriously, when was the last time you witnessed to someone?

Over the summer, I have a lot of free time, and because of that, I enjoy going on mission trips and going to the park to witness to kids and volunteering at mission-based organizations.  I get to see the work of Christ unfolding before my very eyes.  It's so easy to become excited about something that is so tangible, something that you are experiencing every single day.

Now, life is so busy.  Many of us may not see God in the same way as we did four or five months ago.  We might not be as focused on serving solely Him anymore.  And that needs to change.

I'm not quite sure yet what it's going to take.  Maybe we need to make ourselves be over exuberant during worship time at church until we start to feel true excitement about praising Him.  Maybe we need to volunteer our spare time more.  Maybe we need to be out there, witnessing to the world, even during the school year, because there are still too many people who do not know Him.

I am going to try and write more about this in a few days, but until then, I want to strongly encourage you to fight against the December blah-ness.  Don't let yourself become apathetic and world-weary.  Find excitement and joy in simple things.  And most of all, shine like a spotlight until Jesus can be openly seen wherever you are.  Shine through the apathy, shine through the commercialism, shine through the lazy contentment, shine through everything until everyone can see Him inside of you.

-July 15, Wednesday
Amsterdam, Holland -

In a little less than a day, I will be home in Amarillo! I am very excited.

The flight last night was calm and sweet. I fell asleep before we took off and woke up in time from breakfast. Seven hours of uncomfortable, but fairly sound sleep. It was pleasant enough. We had yogurt for breakfast, our first dairy product in two weeks. It tasted delightful.

It is currently 6:00 in the morning, and we depart at 10:00, so we have four hours to do whatever we like. Some of us are considering going out on the rail to view the actual city of Amsterdam, just to have experienced a little piece of Holland. The only concern is that since it is so early in the morning, there will be nothing much to see. I rather hope we do, however, despite the early hour.

I enjoy watching people while I'm in an airport. You can usually tell where a person has originated from simply the clothes that they were. The accents are all fascinating, and you can always find the most captivating people to watch when you are bored in an airport.

Nuns...

Muslim women in full black abaayas...

Africans in tribal dress...

The European chick who doesn't understand the concept of wearing more than a few skimpy articles of clothing at a time...

The stereotypical, overweight, American man who thinks that the overly-colorful sweater he bought at a tourist shop in Prague actually looks fantastic on him, rather than like a watercolor painting he plastered over his wide girth...

An anciently old couple who won't stop holding hands and kissing and looking at each other with eyes full of adoration...

If you have never been to an international airport, these are the wonderful things that you will see, not to mention the European men who enjoy wearing girl pants...

The huge Indian families with 83 ½ children who absolutely demand the right of way in the halls...

The gay couple who cuddle and kiss in front of everyone...

The woman who has sixteen bags, and has half of the staff in the airport helping her carry them...

The American family that is lost and rushing around and looking incomprehensibly at the signs that are all written in German and French and Swahili...

The Europeans who watch them, amused...

The loud choir/youth/middle school class trip group who all wear brightly-colored tee shirts of all the same color, and comment loudly about everything they see until they burst into gales of inappropriately obnoxious laughter and giggles and squealing...

Ahh, airports. What would we do without them?

I am not sure yet exactly where my group fits. Fifteen people of different age, gender, ethnicity, and even American state in which they live. The only common ground for us is Christianity, a longing to assist the AIDS orphans, and a relationship- however so small- with Milton Jones. Jesus and Milton. I am not quite sure how this adds up, but I am sure that I will figure it out someday.

Despite our differences, we are all friends that have a close bond formed by Africa. Really, no one has had much trouble with each other at all. We have all been, at least casually, friends from the start. At this moment, our common bond is that we all terribly, terribly want to skip the nine hour plane ride ahead of us and beam ourselves home, like in some sci-fi creeper movie. I think that would please each one of us immensely.

Earlier today, an American in his late forties went up to me. "Can you speak English?" he asked slowly and deliberately, pointing with dramatic gestures towards his mouth.

I blinked at him. "Yes."

"Do you know where this gate is?" He enunciated his words with great care, motioning towards his boarding pass and then at the Dutch signs above us.

"No, but the Schipold should be over there," I replied casually, allowing my Texan accent to shine through. I nodded towards the signs that marked the time and location for each departure. The man's eyes widened when he noticed my accent and realized that I was, in fact, an American as well. He mumbled a hurried thanks and walked away, obviously embarrassed.

These are the things that make four hour layovers in Amsterdam, Holland, amusing for the bored traveler. Ahh, only three and a half hours left to go.

-Later-

We went shopping for a while. It felt nice to be able to shop and do something so stereotypically American, but at the same time, I felt terribly guilty for spending money on trivial things such as sunglasses, jewelry, and a European hat, when the children back in Kenya can't afford to buy themselves a pair of shoes.

Cheryl treated me and Olivia to two scoops each of Haagen Dazs ice cream. It was such a sweet gesture from Cheryl, and it tasted so good. I chose to eat plain vanilla with hot caramel sauce drizzled over the top. It was lovely.

We sat down and ate our ice cream together, not caring that it was hardly 9:00 in the morning. We reminisced about all of the foods we missed from back home. Mexican food, steak, baked potatoes... we were all holding our stomachs with anticipation by the end of the conversation.

We bid farewell to our Seattle friends, checked into the gate and finally boarded the plane, eager to watch the abundance of movies available in the tiny screens that rested on the backs of the seats in front of us.

This flight is nine hours long, but we will arrive in Houston only three hours later than when we departed. Today will seem much, much longer than a usual day as a result of this. Oh, the joys of jet lag.

-In Air to Houston-

If I lived on a plane, my life would consist of sleeping... watching major motion pictures on eight inch screens... reading The Praise Habit by David Crowder... falling asleep while reading The Praise Habit by David Crowder... eating a perfectly balanced and packaged and cardboard-flavored airplane meal... crawling over people to go to the bathroom... watching movies that I wouldn't ever rent because they really just aren't that interesting... staring at the clock for twenty-three minutes straight, and wishing that I could make time move faster... calculating what time it is in Kenya and in Amsterdam and in Hawaii and in Texas and then back to Kenya... fumbling around in a three by three bathroom stall... sleeping in the weirdest position I have ever sat in before, but that is the only way to feel comfortable enough to sleep... snickering while watching other people sleep in odd positions... listening to the baby in the row behind me scream bloody murder, and thinking, "What in heaven's name was this kid's mother thinking when she took him on this plane?"... and etc.

My mind keeps drifting off to those kids in Africa, and I am beginning to dread coming home. I miss it in Kenya already, and I think it would have been nice to stay longer. My family isn't even home, for crying out loud.

The baby won't stop screaming. I want off this plane.

-In Air to Amarillo-

We had a five hour layover in Houston. Upon arrival in Houston, we were waved through the gate by a flight attendant, who told us with a bright smile, "Welcome home." I couldn't help but grin at her in return, despite my exhaustion. It felt amazing to be back on Texas soil.

Filling out our immigration and customs cards, we all marked down that we had been in farm/ranch land, because if you have ever been to Kenya, then you know that no matter where you go, city or country, you are in farmland with animals. It is simply a part of life for these people. At a church out in the bush, there was even a cow living inside!

The customs people were not happy that we had been in farmland. Some of them pulled me into a room, asking me several questions, including whether or to I had stepped in any manure. "What have I not stepped in?" I thought to myself. "I've worn this pair of flimsy Old Navy flip flops through the slums of Kisumu, where the streets have ankle-deep piles of both animal and human feces. Beat that, people."

It took us an hour to get through customs and security and panicked officials, but we were finally through. We ate lunch at Chili's, and I had a salad- my first salad in two weeks, because lettuce is composed of so much water, and Kenyan water is poison. I also drank my first Dr. Pepper in half of a month. If I ever move to Africa, which I must say is a possibility, I'm not sure how I can live without my Dr. Pepper. It is some heavenly stuff.

We all asked for so many refills of our drinks. Ice is a glorious wonder to us now. I sat at a table with Milton, Barbie, and Christian, and I think that Milton must have had five refills of his iced tea. It was funny to watch. He downed one glass in less than a minute. The poor waiter turned around from serving the rest of us and said in a bewildered voice, "Oh, let me get you another glass, sir."

Everything in America feels so different. The sky looks different. The clouds look different. The air smells a lot different. Africa- Kenya, at least- has a very distinctive smell to it, no matter where you go. Some people were offended by the foreign scent of the air. I, however, didn't mind it all that much. It is a very African scent- polluted, tropical, foreign... with a little hint of marijuana laced through the breeze now and then as well.

People have been rushing, rushing around, which has not been familiar to me at all over these past few weeks. I think back on an African saying, one that the Kenyans take very literally. It goes something like, "Americans have watches, but Africans have time," and it is the truth. The calmness, the serenity of Kenya, is something that I will miss.

I do not want to blend back in with my old life. I do not want to become once again the person who I used to be. I think a little differently now, and I want to remain this way, to live this way. I want to remember the poverty, remember the people, remember their faces- young and old. I can't let myself forget.

I do not want to look upon money as an expendable resource when I know for a fact that there are people 5,000 miles away in Africa who would weep with gratitude if I gave them ten dollars.

I do not want to become part of the daily hustle and bustle that has become so common for the modern American lifestyle.

I want to be able to sit down and truly listen to someone, to cherish the value of both time and loved ones.

I do not want to lose faith over something relatively small when there are those who have lost everything and everyone they have, and yet have the faith of Job, even while they know that they will never have their lives replenished back to where it was before. I want that kind of extreme faith.

I do not want to whine about having to go to school every day when there are those who start walking at 3:00 in the morning to make it on time to a classroom with dirt floors and a teacher who didn't even graduate from high school.

Never again will I use the phrase, "I am starving." Not when there are people who truly are starving and do not complain.

Those who believe that it is not our duty as Christians to feed the poor must go and read the book of James. There are those who need us. Jesus would feed His lambs, and we are His disciples, who should be following His example. How else can we live out Christ's love but by feeding the hungry, fulfilling Jesus' will for the least of His children? How else can they be fed?

James 2:15-17, TNIV, says, "Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, 'Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." I do not want to be the one who says, "I wish you well," and does nothing. I want to be the one who follows Christ's will and feeds the hungry, and clothes the naked, and shares the gospel with those who do not know.

We are His tools.

We are about to land in Amarillo any minute now, and I feel excitement coursing through my veins and rising up within me. I am home. It has been a long journey- one I never want to forget- a journey that has changed my perspective on the world, on my faith, on humanity. I am ready to be home, to share my experiences with those who are willing to listen. I am ready to continue Christ's purpose for my life.

I am His.