If you have lost a friend or loved one to suicide, you've experienced the horrible feeling of your mind and heart twisting and pulling in so many different directions.  Why did she do this?  What made him make this decision?  Whose fault was it?  So many questions have entered your thoughts.  Questions that will always remain unanswered.

The truth is- and you've probably heard this before- but there is nothing you can do to change the past, so there is absolutely no use dwelling on the answers.  Suicide is such a shocking and hurtful thing, something that one can't understand unless they are put into that position.  You can't hope to be able to put yourself into the mind of your loved one before they made such a decision.  Most likely, you would regret knowing. 

When your loved one made the decision to end their own life, they were most likely in a place of great darkness and confusion.  Their death was inflicted by their own hand, which- as hard as it is to convince yourself- means that it ultimately was not your fault.  Even if other people's actions and harsh words played a part in bringing your loved one to their decision, they were still the one who made the decision to end their own life. 

In order to have healing and peace in your own life, you must accept that you can't change the past and that even though you can't understand, you can find peace in yourself and in Christ. 

Changing the Past
Obviously, this cannot be done.  While you can continuously look back and dwell on things that can't be changed, this will only keep you in a place of grief and mourning.  Instead of focusing on things that should have been changed- things that you should have noticed, seen, or done to prevent your loved one's death, try focusing on the good memories of the past.  Write down happy memories between you and your loved one, make a list of little things you loved about him or her, bring out the photos and cards... and when you're feeling angry and embittered, try to dwell on what is happy and peaceful rather than the painful memories.

Finding Peace
Peace is something often longed for after the death of a loved one, especially when the death is by suicide.  Romans 5:1 says that we have peace through our Lord Jesus Christ.  John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  The death of a loved one is a painful and heartbreaking experience.  You may feel like your world has shattered to pieces all around you.  When you are hurting especially, do not be afraid to pray to God and ask Him for deliverance.  Even if you are feeling angry towards Him for allowing your loved one to die, He understands your weakness and your hurt and He wants to give you peace.

If a friend of yours is struggling through the suicide of a loved one, don't be afraid to reach out to them and show them your support.  Your friend needs you now more than ever.  Send an encouraging note every so often, acknowledging that you understand their struggle.  Offer a listening ear.  Call or text your friend ever so often, simply offering a gesture of love.

If you are considering ending your own life, then please understand the emotional damage this will do to your friends, family, and even those who played small parts in your life.  Those around you will struggle from guilt, pain, and bitterness- even those who you don't want to feel that way.  If you've been planning to end your own life, then please talk to a friend.  They want to help you.  They want to be there for you.  There is an alternative to suicide, and that is life. 
 

I intern at an inner city ministry that serves the needy in my community.  This week, I've helped with a VBS for some of the kids in one of the poorer areas of my city.  We have a climbing wall, a Slip 'n' Slide, bouncers, and more.  The kids have a blast, get a free lunch, and are able to learn about Jesus at the same time.

During the Bible lesson, some of the kids in the back of the group began to gasp and whisper.  The small commotion was distracting everyone away from the lesson, so I attempted to sneak over and see what the problem was.  A small bird had fallen from its nest above right onto the shoe of one of the girls.  The bird was tiny, weak, and helpless.   Its eyes were sealed shut, its fragile wings had not yet developed, and it had only a few tufts of feathers.  It looked as if it had just hatched from its egg.  It was pitiful. 

This incident obviously distracted the children.  They crowded around the tiny bird, moaning and murmuring until we managed to gather everyone back up to finish the lesson.  After the kids got their daily dose of Jesus, they returned to examine the pitiful bird.  It was so small, obviously unable to survive for very long without its mother.  The fact that the bird would die was frightening to the children.  They prayed over the bird.  They shaded the bird.  They temporarily abandoned their lunches on a picnic table to care for the bird... kids who need food because they don't have any at home abandoned their lunches to take care of this bird. 

A helper for the week saw the distress on the faces of these children and stepped up to the plate.  He propped a ladder against the ceiling of the lean-to where the little bird's nest was.  While everyone watched, this man climbed up the wobbly ladder, risked his safety and well-being, and gently placed the baby bird back into its nest, safe and sound.

The relief that spread across the tiny group of children was heartwarming.  Once everyone knew that the bird would (hopefully) be okay, they could return to their lunches without worry.

This story reminded me of Matthew 10:29.  "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care." 

The inner city kids in this group have been through a lot.  Many of them have faced hunger, abandonment, and abuse from their own families.  These kids are forgotten by everyone around them, left to fend for themselves in a harsh world.  And yet these kids who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders wanted nothing more than for a baby bird to be safe once again in its cozy nest.

In some ways, the inner city children can relate to that tiny bird.  They're neglected and forgotten... voiceless in a world that never seems to care.  Many are considered to be doomed from the start, left to die a spiritual death while living in poverty and hopelessness.  That will never be God's plan for them.   

The Lord took a part in this situation.  He was able to use the story of the baby bird- fallen to the ground, but carried back to safety- to teach these kids that He does care.  Many of the little girls knelt to pray for the bird, pleading with God for the little creature's life, and God showed these kids that He hears their prayers.  He cares about that tiny bird... and if God cares about a newly hatched bird, then He must care so much more for the kids who wanted to save it.  And so many of those kids believe they're unlovable. 

God loves those children more than words can express.  God has a specific purpose for each of them, no matter their circumstances at home.  And God showed them that today through the fate of one tiny bird.



 
Neither photo is credited to me... I used pictures from Photobucket that fit the story. :)