2016 Yearly Recap

This is late, but since I've done this recap since 2013, I might as well do it again!

1. What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before? 
I traveled internationally alone. It was a lot less scary and a whole lot easier than I expected - and a lot easier than traveling in a group, I will also admit!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My goals for 2016 were to give to a cause every month and read 50 books. I did give monthly to CRF through sponsorship and I also read exactly 50 books! For 2017, I would like to commit to at least 50 more books and I want to write more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sweet friend Megan gave birth to twins! Also my friend Stephanie gave birth to a lovely daughter.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle Greg died on September 27. Also notable - although we weren't close, the mother of my sponsored child died in August, and her life will always leave a mark on my heart.

5. What countries did you visit?  
Kenya (and Qatar and England if you count long airport stays...)

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
Last year I wanted to have more community and I wanted to be busy in a good way instead of focusing on me-time. I am thankful for the Bible study began by my friend Krisann and I last January that is still going on! The Lord has been so faithful with community. I'm also learning more about busyness as I step into foster care.

For 2017, I would like to be more intimate in my prayer life. I try to keep conversation casual throughout the day, but I want to step deeper with the Lord this year. During some difficult transitions globally, I should be relying intentionally more on the Lord than I feel like I am now.

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day I lost my uncle was one of the most difficult days of my life. I don't know if anything can quite compare with that.

On a happier note, November 14 was the day that Jen and I gave our Kenyan daughter-in-a-way, Eunice, a birthday in honor of her mother, Caroline.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I thought the trip I planned in July to Kenya went very well. As a young person still very much learning about taking groups overseas, I felt like this was an accomplishment for me! Similarly when I traveled alone in September.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My biggest failure was when I accidentally paid $50 instead of $52 to the water company for 3 months and ended up with a $400 late fine for those $6 I missed!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
Other than a month in the winter that I could not seem to get over a cold, I have been healthy!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought a car!

12. Where did most of your money go?
Most of my money went towards bills, that car, and food. I'm adulting now, aren't I?

13. What did you get really excited about?
Obviously I get so excited about CRF's ministry and about my beloved community in Kenya.

14. What song will always remind you of 2016? 
Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave.

Foster Care Timeline (From Training to First Placement)

Hello friends, I know I don't post often, but I am going through the training process to get my foster parent license and I thought I would share the timeline here - as a look-back for me and a help for anyone who might be considering the same.

As I begin, I'm in the very first stages of the training process, but I am curious to see what length of time lapses before my first child placement. The representative said 30-90 days from orientation to licensing, but I've heard stories of much longer lengths of time! We will see.

Before this timeline began were several months of talking to people who have fostered and interviewing with a few various agencies, as I didn't want to make the decision to foster lightly. The agency that I've chosen is the third that I've interviewed with - not including CPS, which I was considering, but I preferred a Christian-based agency for the support system and resources.

Foster Care Timeline:

January 20, 2016 - Interview with representative for a foster agency that I liked, but I didn't feel like I quit fit their needs (they're passionate about foster-to-adopt)

January 21, 2016 - Interview and private orientation for a foster agency that I also liked, but I didn't feel like I quite fit their needs (they're passionate about long-term foster care only)

January 23, 2016 - Conversation with someone at CPS; I was interested, but more passionate about a Christian-based agency

February through July (6 months) - After attending multiple meetings where I didn't feel the Lord saying "yes" and planning a group trip to Kenya in July, I took a break from interviews and meetings and spent time in active prayer about the next step to take

July 26, 2016 - Initial conversation with representative for my chosen foster agency (different agency from the first two in January)

August 2, 2016 - Foster Care Orientation and first training session

August 3, 2016 - TB test

August 6, 2016 - CPR Certification

August 7, 2016 - Two-hour Psychotropic Medication Overview Training

August 19 2016 - Finish reading The Connected Child, an assigned reading for training

August 20, 2016 - Built bunk beds for children's room, purchased smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, and fire extinguisher

September 8, 2016 - Training sessions over sensitive communication, sound relationships, and child development

September 15, 2016 - Training session missed due to being out of the country - making this up during my home study

September 22, 2016 - Training sessions over separation, loss, and grief and child maltreatment

September 26, 2016 - Completed two-hour Trauma Informed Care training and two-and-a-half-hour Medical Consent training

October 26, 2016 - Fingerprinting

November 22, 2016 - Sent autobiography, house and yard floor plans, and dentist and doctor information

December 7, 2016 - Veterinary papers and rabies certification sent

December 13, 2016 - Received wellness check from physician

December 16, 2016 - Cleared TB test

January 21, 2017 - Behavioral Crisis Management Training (4 hours) and Medical Training

January 25, 2017 - Fire safety home check

January 27-29, 2017 - First placement; respite care for 3 children under the age of 5 years

February 3, 2017 - Home visitation

February 7, 2017 - Submitted income information 

2015 Yearly Recap

1. What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before? 
I gradated university, I've lived by myself without roommates or family, I've started a "real world" job, and I led a trip to Africa. Lots of new adventures last year!  

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolutions were to read 75 books, which I kept. This year, I want to give to a cause every month.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year - although coming up in April is the due date of one of my closest friends!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My precious Nawnie died on September 11 and life has not been the same without her here.

5. What countries did you visit?  
Amsterdam and Kenya

6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
I want to have more community. The process of moving and adjusting to a new life has left me with very few friends in this city. I'm praying that the Lord will bring me people who love Jesus and people who don't love Jesus yet, that he will raise up community in my city.

I'm also hoping to be busier in a good way, that I will learn to be more selfless with my time instead of holding it as a precious treasure that is only mine.

7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 11, as I mentioned before, was the day my grandma died. May 16 was my graduation from university. And June 1, I began the job of my dreams.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating from university was a big deal for me! (I still have dreams that I've missed important exams.) Another achievement was starting this job and stepping into the adult world without too much struggle.

9. What was your biggest failure?
 Laughingly, I think my biggest failure was the first month I tried to keep a budget on my own.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
Nothing crazy last year, praise the Lord!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The best thing I bought was a kitchen table and chairs for my new house.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Most of my money has gone towards food, moving into my new place, and towards spoiling my dog.

13. What did you get really excited about?
I've gotten so excited about working for CRF and leading trips to Kenya. I have such a passion for orphans and this career lets me serve them with my life.

14. What song will always remind you of 2015? 
Probably Blank Space by Taylor Swift.

Blogging About Blogging

EDIT: To clarify, I'm not finished blogging forever. This isn't the end of Emily is Smiling. However, for the time being, I need a break.

This is all a big ramble and definitely breaking the unspoken rule of "Never Blog About Blogging," but if you read my blog regularly at all, I hope you'll take a moment to read.

As you may have noticed, I haven't been posting as frequently on this blog in recent months, and when I have, they have not been as thoughtfully written or as in-depth as they were before. I have been blogging for 5 years now. The New Year is about to begin, and I thought I would outline a little about what my blogging priorities look like for the year 2015.

I love to write. I always have. One of the things that I love to write about the most is my faith in Jesus, because it is the most important thing in my life. It is the most significant piece of my identity and a huge part of who I am. Let me reassure any readers that even when my posts on this blog consist of pictures from Instagram or lists of books that I'm reading, it isn't because I'm wearying of my faith. It's because I'm wearying of blogging.

This is in part because the world's response to blogging is also changing. In the year 2014, online audiences have been moving largely out of the blogging sphere to share their thoughts in other places. Posting comments on blogs is practically a thing of the past, which means conversations between bloggers and readers are almost nonexistent now. This isn't only happening to me. Nearly every blog on the Internet has taken a hit in both readership and, especially, comments in the last year or two.

While view-count isn't the sole reason why anyone should blog, it does play a part. Since I began blogging 5 years ago, I've considered my blog as both a journal and a ministry, a way to reach out to people who are looking for encouragement as they walk with Jesus. With less people taking the time to read blogs or join in conversation, the time I put into writing thoughtful blog posts is affected. I desire to put my effort into forms of ministry where people are receiving and giving back, where community can be found.

Also, the amount of time I choose to put into blogging these days is changing, regardless of who is reading. I've found ministries that have impacted my heart more in this season, like Deaf ministry. I'm a busy college student. My grandma was in the hospital for almost the entire month of December, which focused my thoughts and intentions recently more on family than on the Internet.

A day may come in the future where I sit down and re-shape Emily is Smiling into what it was before. I treasure some of the blog posts I've written. This place is forever special to me. But for right now, most of my attention is straying to other places and other ministries.

I'm not ready to give up this blog completely yet, so don't think I'm never going to post again after January 1, but I will be posting less. Many of my intimate thoughts about faith and about Jesus are being journaled right now instead of blogged, and sometimes I may share them on here, but quite often, I won't. The things I've blogged about in seasons past are still heavy on my heart, and I'm still working hard to implant them in my life, but Emily is Smiling is not a big priority for me in this moment. There is a season for everything, and my season of frequent blogging may be coming to a close. At least for now.

I'm still happy to talk with anyone who reads this blog, and I'll be back now and then to share both silly and serious things. But here's an update of what's going on in my life right now. I hope this long tangle of words makes some kind of sense.

I love you all,

Emily

Psalm 100: Joy

The reason I've intermingled a psalm from the Bible with these pictures is because as I remember this night from a few weeks ago, I feel so much joy and I am thankful for God's grace in allowing me to have a strong community and happy memories. The Lord given my heart this joy.

Psalm 100 is one of my favorite joyful psalms, so I thought I would share it along with a few of these happy photos.

Psalm 100

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Three years ago: A Puppy-Less Life
Four years ago: Postmodernism: A Poem
Five years ago: Excerpt of "Because"

The Corn Maze

I don't know why, but few things carry the feel of autumn better than a field of ripe corn.

In early November, my friends and I traveled an hour away from our home until we found a corn maze. We arrived before dark, just in time to take a few autumn-style pictures with the tall, golden stalks of corn.

As the sun set, a creepy Children of the Corn vibe fell over us. We jumped into character, posing as eerily as we could among the dying plants.

Later that week, Sam and I actually watched the Children of the Corn film for the very first time. We are big scary movie fans, but we weren't impressed by that Stephen King movie at all. Not even for an old film. But we did enjoy acting out the parts of the creepy farm children.

Being strange sometimes comes more naturally to me and my friends than it does to be normal.

But we had fun.

A corn maze is full of twists and turns. As we maneuvered our way through the darkness, we managed to get ourselves completely lost. We found our way out eventually, but we considered giving up for the night and sleeping on the hard-packed dirt paths. Maybe we would have better luck in the daylight.

It's my final year of college. Looking into the future is impossible, especially when a change is approaching that I haven't experienced before. I don't know what it will be like to live completely on my own, with new friends yet again, a new home, and a life without studying and looming exams.

Although I am excited for what's to come, I am trying to treasure these last few months of college instead of wishing them away.

So I am thankful for nights of running through tangled corn mazes. I'm thankful for autumn. I'm thankful for roommates. I'm thankful for warm jackets on cold nights.

When I was in high school, going through a corn maze in the fall was a tradition for me and my friends. We went every year, bringing more people each time as our tradition grew. I managed to gather a group to go to the corn maze my freshman year of college, but I haven't been since.

Returning to an old tradition is a happy, peaceful feeling.

It was a good day.

Four years ago: Wonderful
Five years ago: The Stairs that Lead to Nowhere

Five Years

Five years ago today, I wrote my first blog post.

(If you're looking back through my archives and see 15 posts from July, 2009, don't count those. I moved my journals chronicling my first trip to Africa here from another blog.)

So much has changed in the last five years. Then, I was a junior in high school. Now, I am a senior at university and on the brink of stepping into adulthood.

For a throwback Tuesday reflection moment, here is a picture of me taken the same month I started this blog.

And a picture of me now. 

How long have you been following this blog?

Three years ago: My Pet Peeves
Four years ago: Just Thankful
Five years ago: 80% (This Thanksgiving Holiday)

Life Right Here

My friend Kelsey has a fancy camera and even fancier photography skills.

Autumn meant that it was time for another roomie picture session, so my three roommates and I dressed in our most "fall" outfits, despite the fact that it was a sweltering ninety degrees outside on an evening in late October. (South Texas, y'all.)

There is something to treasure about living in community.

It isn't always easy.

Let me rephrase that. Living in community isn't easy.

As a college student, I am daily making a home in a small space with girls who see my weaknesses and my sinful nature and my vulnerabilities and me seeing theirs all in turn.

I don't think I've ever begun a new month without lessons and wisdom gained from the weeks before.

More than anything, I appreciate the late-night talks about Jesus. Taking communion with cran-grape juice and rolls from Walmart. Teaching two of my roommates guitar and having "concert/worship" nights. Pulling pranks and making videos. The life-sized cardboard cutout of Elvis Presley we hide around the house to scare each other.

There are things about community that are hard and broken because of the sinful world in which we live... and there are also things about community that are pure enjoyment and innocence and laughter.

Fellowship digs rich wells of communication, expression, and transformation.

Having friends who walk through life with me and stand with me when things are not easy is a gift from the Lord.

Living with women of God means that I see Jesus shined in many different ways. The Bible is opened and there are four different hearts being whispered to by the Holy Spirit.

My burdens aren't carried alone, even when I think they are.

Kendall and I make "road trips" across our small town in order to have lots and lots of Mexican food. She sits and sketches while I write stories. We curl up behind a guitar and sing "Beautiful" by Bethany Dillon and mean the words. There are late night walks and talks and Spider Solitaire.

Kelsey brings laughter and crafts and Christmas lights (okay, "candy corn lights") in the middle of autumn. Because of her presence in the house, there are Styrofoam pumpkins, pine cones, and plastic leaves on every available surface. If a song needs to be sung, her voice is the one singing.

Sammy is the wild card who orders the Elvis cardboard cutout because she knows that's what our house needs most of all. If a prank is committed, she is the perpetrator. If an adventure is to be had, she is out the door with a kayak and bare feet.

No, living in community is not always easy. But it's what I need in this time of my life as a college student. As a young, single woman growing to love Jesus more and understand more about His love, there is nothing that pushes me forward more than sharing a home and a life with other women who are seeking Christ.

There is joy to be found when a school day is hard, through warm tea and worship songs and silly nights. It is a beautiful thing when conflicts are resolved in love instead of anger. When surrounded by community, I'm learning about accountability and vulnerability and transparency.

I pray that wherever I am in my life, I will have a strong community where we challenge and support and encourage each other. It will look different in one place than in another, but in this place, community looks like right here. A day in a pumpkin patch. A two hour discussion about Balaam and the donkey at one in the morning. Guitar strings and snap peas.

I like to daydream about what's to come, but I'm thankful for right here. Right now. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's joyful.

Happy fall.

Two years ago: Broken Words

The Mail Box

When was the last time you had an amazing meal?

As a college student, most of my meals fall somewhere on the spectrum between fast food, canned soup, Kraft Mac'n'Cheese, and Lunchables. However, October has been a month of fellowship and celebration. I was able to go to Austin, Texas on a brief vacation with my parents and grandparents. We shared delicious food and quality time (my love language): all ingredients for an amazing meal.

Taken 5 minutes ago by my desk

What's the best gift you've ever received?

One that sticks out in my mind across the last several years was from my roommate my freshman year in college (her senior year). She and I did not know each other beforehand and we have not kept in touch often since then. We were each busy with our own lives and would shyly chat for a few minutes each day, but we did not talk in-depth very often. At this time, I was dealing with homesickness and loneliness, so sending and receiving mail was the highlight of my week.

For Christmas that year, this sweet roommate put so much time and effort into my gift, no matter how often we talked or spent quality time together. She gave me a box in my favorite colors (black and white with maroon trim sewed on). The box was meant to hold the letters I kept from my family. On one side, she had stitched "MAIL" and on the other side, she stitched "BARUA," which is mail in Swahili (because I absolutely love Kenya, Africa). Inside the box was an Elvis postcard (my favorite music artist) and a Yorkie postcard (my favorite dog).

To make a long story short, I was incredibly touched by the love that my roommate put into the gift and the fact that she worked so hard to get to know me, even when I often set aside deep friendship in all of my rushing around. I still keep the mailbox on display in my room and it holds all of my letters.

For my birthday a couple of weeks ago, I received some wonderful homemade gifts from my mom and roommates that touched my heart (and... I also got a life-sized cardboard cutout of Elvis Presley. Thanks, guys). I also got the new iPhone 6 and almost fainted with the joy of it all.

What do you miss most about your childhood?
I think I miss most the imagination. I have a huge box full of all of the stories I wrote when I was a young child. All I needed was a brand new notebook and a fresh set of mechanical pencils and I was entertained for hours on end. There was an endless supply of stories and words and creative ideas in my childish mind.

Now I still love to write and there are still ideas and words and people working their way into my imagination, but I have to work harder to find and create them. I miss the freedom of expression that I had when I was younger.

What is your first memory of being truly excited? 
This is a difficult question because it's complicated to gauge a timeline of my earliest memories. I remember always feeling so excited when my dad got home from a long day at work. When I heard him shut the back door, set down his things, and call out, "I'm home!", there was nothing that could thrill me more than my childish relief at knowing my family was secure and together and filled with love.

What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
I remember buying a tiny Polly Pocket kit. If you grew up in the nineties, you know what I'm talking about. I loved tiny things.

Taken from Power House Museum

What are your answers to these questions? 

Three years ago: 5 Organizational Tips for College
Four years ago: Make Up Your Own Kind Gesture

Aggie Ring Day

A few weeks ago, I celebrated a day that I will remember for the rest of my life.

At Texas A&M University, receiving your class ring is one of the greatest moments of your college experience. It certainly was for me.

My dad's and my Aggie Rings

The Aggie Ring marks the hard work I've spent over the last three years (and year to come). If you know anything about Aggies, we are proud of our traditions. The ring is a tangible bond that connects former students to each other. It's difficult to explain or understand the significance of this achievement unless you are an Aggie, but the ring is a symbol of the school we love and cherish.

One of the most entertaining things about my university is the formality that surrounds Aggie Ring Day. The event basically consists of picking up your ring from a table at the alumni center, but everyone dresses up and invites their extended families and friends to join them in the excitement.

My parents and grandparents came to town for the occasion. We stood in line and filed into the alumni center just before rain fell from the sky in buckets. Since my dad is an alumni of Texas A&M, he placed the ring on my finger.

It meant so much to me for my family to be there, supporting me through a special and important moment in my life. The Aggie Ring is only a small piece of gold, but it carries its true value through its meaning. It is the mark of a goal I worked hard to achieve. 

At the end of the day, many Aggies participate in a tradition called Ring Dunk. Typically, one drops their ring in a large pitcher of beer and drinks until they reach the bottom and catch the ring between their teeth. My friends and I held a "dry" event, but our rings needed to be baptized nonetheless.

Quite often, people throw up after downing an entire pitcher of liquid, so I took the easy route and filled my pitcher with brightly-colored M&Ms. No, I didn't eat them all, but rather I dumped the entire pitcher over my head. (My roommates and I have been feasting on M&Ms for weeks now.)

One of the best moments of the night was that my dad chose to participate in the ring dunk. He had never dunked his ring before, so he filled his pitcher with ice water and merged the Aggie Ring Dunk with the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

We stood in three inches of rain water with cheering friends gathered around us, accessorized with ponchos and pitchers and rain boots, and we proudly dunked our rings.

Overall, the day was one of the sweetest of my college experience. I felt unified with my school and my friends and my family. An accomplishment that meant so much to me was finally reached.

I will never forget the day I got my Aggie Ring. More than a month has passed, but I still find myself staring at this pretty symbol of my hard work and daydreaming when I should be listening in class (my bad, prof).

It's amazing how much my life has changed since coming to Texas A&M. When I was in high school, I never pictured myself at such a big university. The Lord brought me gently outside of what I ever hoped or dreamed for my future. Attending this school meant leaping far from my comfort zone, but every day here has been worth the hard work.

My senior year is here. I graduate in only a few months and I'm cherishing the little time I have left as a college student with all the freedom in the world. I'm so proud and thankful to be an Aggie. (And now I finally have my ring, whoop!)

Three years ago: Me? Pregnant?
Four years ago: Volunteer your time

The Flame

I fell in love with Jesus a few months before I turned fifteen. My life radically changed.
 

Depression and anxiety had ravaged my heart and mind. These struggles did not automatically go away after I encountered Christ, but I did experience a new confidence and joy that changed me.

I eagerly wanted every part of my life to radiate my faith. My high school friends and I memorized chapters of the Bible and held weekly Bible studies and we were so desirous to learn more about the God who made us new. I felt a new and exciting fire.

At times, my zeal tipped over into legalism. For example, I remember studying 1 Thessalonians with a few friends and reading, "Pray without ceasing." We took this at face value and challenged each other to go an entire day without thinking about anything except Jesus. Determined, I took a black Sharpie and scrawled 1 Thessalonians 5:17 onto the back of my hand so that when I rested my arms upon my desk in class, I would remember to pray instead of listen to the teacher. No, this wasn't the healthiest expression of my faith. I was a child sipping milk as I tried to teach myself how to fly an airplane.

But the fire burned bright and I learned so much during those first months and years.

Things were not always easy. There were seasons of drought and desert, when all I felt was an aching thirst that I could not quench... or even worse, apathy where I began to stop thirsting at all. There were storms that caused me to rage and doubt. I strayed and returned; I became impatient and frustrated and stubborn. My emotional highs collapsed and I raged against my old self and even against God.

When the droughts passed away and the rains returned, I learned that my Father is faithful. When the storms stilled, I realized that Christ is more powerful than my worst days. When I stumbled back as a prodigal daughter time and time again, I glimpsed the depths of God's grace.

I'm in my early twenties now and I have very little experience with romantic love. I've never had a boyfriend or even seriously dated. However, I'm at the stage in my life where I am able to watch a few of my dearest friends fall in love and enter into marriage. As I learn from the true and passionate love that I see in my friends and my parents, I cannot help but be reminded about what it is like to have a relationship with Jesus.

My friends who are falling in love for the first time are standing on the heights of the tallest mountains. Their passion is beautiful.

My parents and grandparents have another kind of passionate love that is just as priceless. The longer they experience life together, the further their love is deepened by sacrifice and commitment. "I give my life to you" and "I commit to you even when things are hard" are just as precious as the exciting discovery of new love.

I will admit that there is a different kind of fire for the Lord in me than there was when I was fourteen. Where my faith was once marked by loud and zealous expressions of love, I have a somewhat changing passion now. This passion comes from walking through difficult times as well as happy ones. It comes from broken relationships, plateaus and lonely places, and the increasing knowledge of how vast God's grace actually is. It comes from experiencing valleys and not only mountains.

In some ways, my relationship with Christ is transforming from a new and blazing fire to that of a steady flame. This brings with it the necessity for me to work hard to keep from falling into apathy because I hope I will always seek to be a radical follower of Jesus, but I am thankful.

After all of my mistakes, God's compassion is greater. No matter how far I have run, he has been there. When I'm tired of seeking, still he sings. And now he is teaching me how to experience his love in an enduring, committed way that reaches beyond my changing emotions.

And this love is beautiful.

One year ago: Waging War
Two years ago: The Room
Three years ago: Plus-Sized Mannequins... or Not
Four years ago: Leave an encouraging note on the mirror

The Oldest Horse on the Ranch

This summer has been so very bittersweet.

On one hand, I have been stressed and exhausted and worn down and burnt out. On the other hand, I've gotten to have lovely little adventures with my family that have kept my spirits from sinking for too long.

For the 4th of July holiday, my cousins were in town from California. The three young ones had never really visited Texas before, at least not what they could remember, and so they were looking for a true Western experience.

I live in the heart of Texas, where tall trees are sparse and the sky is bigger than you've ever seen.

A few Texas Panhandle activities were a must, such as kite-flying in the windy weather, visiting the most popular restaurant in town, making homemade ice cream, buying fireworks, and eventually venturing out to Cadillac Ranch. 

On the morning of July 4th, we decided to drive a ways and head to the edge of Palo Duro Canyon, where we would ride horses.

Trail rides tend to offer horses that are worn down and over-worked. However, these Quarter Horses are working cattle horses that are excellently cared for, come from champion lineage, and are well-trained. During the summers when there is little work to be done, their owners will allow them to be ridden by people wanting to explore the edge of the canyon. This keeps the horses trim and used to following commands.

If you remember my experience on the island of Antigua, I enjoy riding horses, but I have my anxieties, so I always tell my family beforehand that I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be matched with the most elderly horse of the bunch. Surely an old-timer will be less likely to run away with me.

We gave our heights and weights over the phone and were matched with a horse before we even arrived at the ranch.  The youngest kids were given their horses first, and then a buckskin horse was led my way. "Emily, this is Bucky. He's the oldest horse on this ranch: 28 years old." I was thrilled. On Antigua, I was given the oldest horse... and in Texas, I got the senior citizen once again!

Although Bucky is 7 years older than I am, he sure did not act like it. During the times that we were riding in a line, he would attempt to weave his way to the head of the pack. Although he was gentle and obedient with me, Bucky liked being in charge of all the other horses.

The trail ride was beautiful in a completely different way than Antigua was. The grass was pale green, the sky was pale blue, and the entire world seemed to stretch out before our very eyes. Cattle grazed around us while cowboys in our group would occasionally wander off to herd them in the right direction.

We reached the edge of the canyon, where the earthy colors fanned out before us like spilled paint.

Looking around at the great expanse of the Texas horizon, I could not help but imagine what life would be like as one of the first explorers in this part of the world. What was it like to see the second largest canyon in America without ever having expected to find it? What was it like to stumble across thousands of buffalo grazing in waist-high grass? What was it like to be among the first from across the world to admire God's vibrant sunsets in the vast Texas sky?

The beauty in this part of the world is a unique beauty, but it is beautiful all the same.

Riding horses is such a wonderful glimpse into the history of this state, as well as the perfect way to have spent the start of Independence Day. I heard a quote once that said, "When I ride a horse, I borrow freedom."

I may be timid, inexperienced, and a little worried when it comes to riding horses, but there is a beauty that horses bring to a landscape, and I was happy to be a part of that.

Three years ago: My Bucket List
Four years ago: 40 Reasons to Eat (Part 5)

Boarding the Jewel of the Seas

Our final morning in San Juan, Puerto Rico was spent exploring the downtown city. Old San Juan can best be described as colorful. The steeply inclined streets are lined with brightly-painted buildings on both sides. There is a true Spanish feel to this part of the island.

Mom, Amy, and I walked along the cobblestone streets while searching for a souvenir shop. We each bought a t-shirt (a tradition for every island we visit when on a cruise) and then met up with Nawnie and the boys a few blocks away.

Our time left in Puerto Rico was limited, so my family attempted to visit a fort but had to leave early. A few of these ancient structures can be found along the coast, reminiscent of a time when such protection was necessary. Although we did not reach the top of the tower, we were able to admire the massive walls around us. Nawnie was amazed by how old it all looked, pocked and blackened by the force of time.

San Juan is quite the diverse city. Although our hotel is exceptionally beautiful, it is located only a mile or two outside of Old San Juan. Many of the buildings around ours are aging and marked with scrawling graffiti. Other parts of the city are fully Americanized, newly-painted, and modern. We've counted endless Walgreen's, Starbucks, McDonald's, Chili's, and Burger Kings.

A few differences from the average American city (other than the fact that nearly every sign is in Spanish) is that chickens can be found wandering the city streets nearly everywhere you turn. I even spotted a few horses and grazing cattle. There are also many feral dogs and cats around that offer passersby wary scowls.

The homeless and hungry also seem to be prevalent in San Juan, even in some of the most Westernized areas. While many stand on the street corners and shake cups, others sleep among bags against crumbling buildings. Homelessness is certainly not unique to foreign places; America has a huge homelessness problem as well. But when I looked out the window of my family's rental car as we passed by the drawn faces of the hungry, I pleaded with the Lord to open my eyes and my heart to the broken parts of the world I will not see during this vacation.

For lunch, my family ate at Sizzlers, a restaurant located on the edge of a pier. We had the best view of our cruise ship from a distance as we dined. The ocean water is so clear that from the window of Sizzlers we could look down and see the fish swimming along the pier.

It was eventually time to board our ship, Jewel of the Seas.

We are cruising with Royal Caribbean. There are multiple levels on this massive ship, and while it's smaller than our last, it's difficult to tell a size difference at all without a side-by-side comparison. My family made up our own tour as we wandered through the many restaurants, miniature promenade, and thirteen decks. We met up with Grandpa Frank, Grandma Marcia, and Courtney just in time to visit Tides, the restaurant in which we will be dining nightly throughout the duration of the cruise.

Tides is a nice restaurant; clothing choices like flip flops, bathing suits, and shorts are not allowed, while they are permitted in the lunch dining area. However, my suitcase failed to be brought to my cabin in time for dinner, so I showed up at the table in cargo shorts and Chacos. I'm thankful for graceful staff and a family with a good sense of humor.

Outside of the dress code issue, dinner was perfect. The menu offered several options, but I chose shrimp cocktail, a fruit medley, prime rib, peach and blueberry crumble, and I shared a creme brûlée with my dad. (I doubt I will be sharing all of my food choices here from today forward, but this sort of fare is not my usual and I was enchanted by the meal tonight.)

Muster was held at eight. The entire ship gathered to practice an emergency drill in case of a Titanic-like scenario. Although it's a hassle to go through every safety drill and precaution, there is something settling about embarking on an ocean journey while knowing there is a carefully-set plan in case something goes wrong.

Soon after returning from Muster, I began to feel the gentle yaw and pitch of the ship beneath my feet. It had begun to move away from shore and towards our destination. My brother, sister, and I stood on the balcony and leaned against the guardrail as we watched the brightly-lit Puerto Rican skyline grow dimmer and smaller on the horizon.

When out on the ocean at night, everything outside is black and silent except for the whisper of waves against the ship's sides. It's an eery feeling to look out from the balcony and see nothing at all except for a few white wave caps fanning around you in the inky darkness below.

Cruise ship cabins are always efficiently small. Our shower spans a tiny circle. Our floor space is limited. The sleeping arrangements are perhaps the most entertaining. Amy, Luke, and I share a single cabin. Amy's and my full-size bed thankfully splits into two twins. Luke's bunk hangs from the ceiling and is perfect for his boyish spirit. He is thrilled to sleep on a top bunk like a sailor; this is much more adventurous than any pull-out sofa sleeper.

Feeling the excitement of the departure, Amy chose to sleep on our cabin's balcony in a beach chair, wrapped tightly in blankets and breathing in the breezy (although muggy) ocean air. (An update on this scenario is that Amy ended up retreating back into the cabin at four in the morning when it began to rain.)

St. Croix by morning.

Three years ago: 10 Bloggie Tips to Follow

And she graduated.

About a week ago, my little sister graduated from high school.

I can hardly believe it. It seems like not too long ago that I graduated from high school, and now my baby siblings are inching their way to college and adulthood. (My little brother is only starting high school next year, but soon I will be blogging about his graduation.)

I don't have much to say except to congratulate Amy on her accomplishment.  She's had a difficult run through high school. She was bullied in one place, changed schools, and had to start over again with new friendships. But it's over now and Amy is headed to the World Race Gap Year, where she is going to be blown away by God's passion for missions and service.

This time of year is full of change. Next year it will be me: my year of lasts, my year to graduate from all school ever, my year of new beginnings.

But this time is Amy's.

We celebrate her with joy because we have seen how she has grown in the last four years.

And as I look at the young woman she has become, I look back with fondness on moments like these.

One year ago: The Most Fascinating Puddle in the World
Two years ago: I almost forgot what rain was.
Four years ago: Where is God's hatred?

A Cord of Three Strands

I have been blessed with so many things, like attending the best university in the world (Texas A&M, whoop!), having a shelter over my head, food every meal, and precious friends.  The Lord has also given me the sweetest family.

Like a mom and sister who were willing to drive almost ten hours to spend three days with me.  And a dad who was willing to celebrate Easter with the grandparents out of sacrificial love.  (...Not because spending time with the grandparents requires sacrifice, but rather because he wasn't with the three ladies in his family.)

Last Easter, all of my roommates went home and I wasn't able to travel home because I had tests to study for (as I also do this Easter as well), and two days of driving alone were too much stress for my finals preparation.  So I spent the celebration with Jesus and couldn't help but feel extremely lonely, even though He was tender to me.  I'd never been away from everyone on Easter before.

This year, even though my family was split, we each had someone.  We went to church together, we prayed together, we ate together.  Our Father lavished His sweet mercies on us as we soaked in the beauty of family time.  And we celebrated Christ's rising from the dead in power and in glory.

The three days of girl time were well-spent.  We went summer shopping, made a shady roof for my bunny pen, and watched both Transcendence and 12 Years a Slave (the consensus was that the former was a bit slow and the latter was amazingly done).

Easter Sunday's worship was spent at Deaf Church, surrounded by a community of people that worships with their voices, hearts, and hands. 

We had a photo shoot with my roommates in a field painted with purple wildflowers.

My mom and little sister were huge fans of Sammy's and my baby bunnies.  If Amy went missing, it took no searching to find her sitting cross-legged in front of the rabbit pen with a sleeping rabbit in her lap and another munching on a carrot out of her hand.

Amy is about to graduate from high school next month. 

During the photo shoot, I kept telling Kelsey, "Come closer.  Come a little closer," as she moved from a full-body shot, to a waist-up shot, to a portrait shot of my little sister and me.  Finally, as I urged her to come even closer, she said, "How's this?"  Very funny.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  -Ecclesiastes 4:12

One year ago: Maintaining a Fruitful Quiet Time in Summer (Part I)
Two years ago: Tatters
Three years ago: How Jesus's Sacrifice Can Make Sense to Muslims and Blogging: The Right Name