Mirrors

"Spin me around, Daddy."

As a little girl, one of my biggest delights was when my father would lift me into his arms and spin me around.  I felt as if I was soaring through the air, as fast and as high as a bird, but I was never afraid as long as my daddy's arms held me close.  I knew he would not drop me.

When I was young, very young, I imagined God as a jolly, wise figure, almost like Santa Claus.  When I was afraid or sad, I would close my eyes and imagine myself enveloped within His arms, resting my cheek against the warmth and fatherly strength of His chest.  I imagined feeling His heart beat, flushing with joy under the love in His gaze.

As a little girl, I only knew God as Daddy.

Years passed and I began to turn away from the faith of my childhood.  I didn't have the same trust in Father-God anymore and for a time I also lost faith in my earthly father.  As I grew in stature, I knew that if my daddy tried to spin me around, his strength would falter.  I was not a little girl anymore.  I was too heavy, too big.  My name for my father changed from Daddy to Dad.  My name for God turned from Daddy to Judge.

The God I saw in my classes at school and in the early books of the Bible seemed like a harsh, angry being who encouraged legalism and hated people who made mistakes... and I knew I made so many.  I dreaded His wrath.  When I saw the hurting in the world, I could not find His mercy.

When I was fourteen years old, I gave my life to the Lord and began to eagerly seek Him through His Word.  Throughout the entirety of the Bible, in Leviticus, in Isaiah, in Song of Solomon, in 1 Corinthians, I finally saw one God.  I saw a just God who is also a God of love.  He is ever-faithful and a Father who accepted me as His child with delight.  He is worthy. 

As I further grew in the Lord, I also grew closer to my own father.  Although I no longer leaped into his arms so he would spin me in circles and throw me into the air, I would take his hand.  I was still his little girl.  I'd look to him for guidance and wisdom.  I wanted to be like him. 

College began over a year ago.  With the entrance of all-nighters and brand new friends and newfound independence also came the start of the dating world.  I still stand along the farthest edge of this place, peering in with wide and curious eyes, but as I watch, I'm beginning to think about marriage for the first time in my life.  What does it mean to fall in love?  What am I looking for in a significant other?  Who do I want to be to the man I marry?  I want to reflect attributes of Jesus to my husband.  I want to be a servant.  I want to radiate selfless love.  I want to be a true friend.

And in my search, I am beginning to understand what it means when Christ calls me His Bride.  What it means to love Him as a child and as a servant and as a bride all at once.

I want to know Him, not just from His Word, but in His Spirit.  I want to have an intimate relationship with my Jesus.  I thrill in His presence.  I stand in awe of His Name.  I love Him and I feel loved by Him.  I am His Bride.

When I do one day fall in love and get married, I will use the earthly examples of my precious daddy and my beloved husband to remember the beautiful purpose of love the Lord has created for my heart.  I want to reflect this to others as well.

God is love.