Saturday, April 2, 2011

No more sameness.

I think one of the strangest things about being a senior in high school is when it starts to hit you that you aren't going to be around for much longer.

I've attended my school since the middle of fifth grade.  I've been with the same people for years.  I've had the same learning environment for the longest time.  And the fact that I'm not going to be in the same place anymore baffles me.  I think every spiral_bound_notebooks-400x600.jpgsenior goes through this at some point, but it's started to hit me recently.

Caleb and I were dancing at prom a couple of weeks ago when we started to talk about how fun it would be to have a prom without fancy clothes... if we could have a prom where everyone came in their pajamas to dance and have fun.  A pajama prom.  "Next year, let's do that!" Caleb said eagerly, but I tapped his shoulder.  "We won't be here next year," I reminded him.

And then we both got quiet.

At times, attending a university seems like an absolutely foreign concept to me.  It won't be like anything I've ever experienced before.  It'll be totally new, so how can I ever comprehend something like that?  I can't quite imagine it.  I can't know for sure what college will be like until I experience it for myself.  It'll be so new.  So different.

I often forget about the fact that I won't be at my high school anymore after this year.  It's easy to walk through the halls at school and think to myself, "I'll be here forever.  This is where I belong."  My school is where I've always been.

I can't imagine what things are going to be like come the end of school.  There'll be no more, "See you next year!"s and "Have a good summer... I'll see you in August!"s.  No, it's going to be more like, "Goodbye.  If you're one of my best friends, I'll keep in touch, but otherwise, this is going to be the last time we talk for ten years or more."  That's a scary thought.

No more of the same teachers and classmates and familiar four walls surrounding me every day.  No more laughing at the underclassmen for their drama.  No more sameness.

I still catch myself saying, "Well, there's always next year."  Even when I'm at home, thinking about the superbowl or daylight savings or really anything, I start to think, "Next year, I'll do it this way."  But I won't be at home next year.  I won't be with my family next year.  I'll be at college.

Everything will be new in college.  Newness scares me.  Change scares me, I'll admit.  I know it has to come and I know that it will ultimately be good for me, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't look forward to it.

Does this not concern any other seniors out there?!


  1. I feel very excited about going away to college next year. I never really felt like I had a good bond with friends in high school or even growing up (until this year). I'm really hoping to get a fresh start in college and make some lasting friendships.

    But, I have some of the same thoughts. When I think about doing something different, and realize that I can't because I'm going away. Just this year, I was able to make some good friends. They are a year younger than me, so they won't be going away until next year. Even then, they will probably stay around home and go to a community college. So I feel like I finally made some good friends, but I am leaving them, and I don't want that friendship to go.

    Another big thing for me is that my family is in the middle of moving. I think that will feel weird when I come back home from college because instead of the house that we have lived in for 7 years, we will be in a strange new rental house.

    All of these things are new and different. I'm ok with that, but I just wish that I had a time machine to go back to the memories when I wanted to.

  2. I completely know what you mean, Emily. I'm hopefully moving out to go to University next year, and, while I can't wait, it still scares me sometimes. I guess, for me it's just the idea that when I move out I'll never really be coming back. Yeah, I'll spend the summers with my family, but after university I'll get a job, or get married... It's not university that scares me (I've already finished a semester here and it was awesome) but it's the idea that I can never go back.

    Anyways. Enough scary stuff. I'm sure you'll absolutely love university. :) We should start emailing again so we can get through all the jittery feelings together.

    ~Elanor :)

  3. I'm a junior and i'm planing all my college stuff now! I'm going to be going away for a year and i'm already freaking out! haha
    I'm homeschooled too so it will be so different going somewhere for school and it's not even going to be near my house. The thought scares me but i'm also excited about it too!