Thursday, August 4, 2011

Spirit of Fear

There isn't much of the summer left.  In two days, I'll leave for Impact camp at A&M.  After that, I'll have only four days left at home before I move out.  I have literal days left before my summer is over.  And honestly, I've been spending a lot of this time worrying.

I'm moving ten hours away from my home.  Most of my friends will be gone.  My family will be gone.  I'll be on my own.  On August 16, I will leave my home for the last time until October.  This is a scary thought.

I see so many graduates all around me counting down the days until they move out.  So excited.  And here I am feeling frightened.  Afraid.

I'm scared that I won't be good at living alone, that I'll mess up.  I'm afraid my classes will be too hard.  I'm afraid I won't be able to find as wonderful Christian friends as I have back home.  I'm afraid I'll get sick and I won't have my dad.  I'm afraid something will happen and I won't be able to get home soon enough.  I'm afraid I'll be so, so homesick.  I'm afraid.

Lately, every time I feel a pang of fear in my gut, I try to tell myself, "God did not give you a spirit of fear, Emily."

It's true.  He didn't.

2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline."  

I think it comes naturally to be afraid of the unknown.  This is truly the unknown for me.  I've lived in the same city for almost fifteen years.  I've had many of the same friends since elementary school.  I've never lived on my own before.  This will be a brand new adventure in my life.

But I don't have to be afraid.  I can have peace.

Even if I'm scared about college, God has given me His spirit to conquer those fears, to overcome them.  I have power to live on my own and be independent.  I have power to be confident in myself and in Him.  I have power to keep my standards.  I have power to overcome timidity and homesickness through Him.  I can love everyone around me.  Jesus will show me friends who also want to glorify God with everything in them.  I will have enough self-discipline to live on my own, because that's what the Lord has given me.  I'll make good grades.  I will be on time to my classes.  I will live the way God wants me to live.

I do not have to be afraid.  He has given me a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.  His strength is within my reach if only I will ask Him for courage and peace.

Am I as excited about moving out as some people are?  No, I'm still not.  I know it will be a difficult transition to make.  It's time for me to grow up, which is frightening.  But I don't have to be afraid.
I'm so thankful for a God who isn't going to leave me, even as I begin a brand new walk of life.  He's going to be holding me close every step of the way.  So I'll trust Him.

I have not been given a spirit of fear.


  1. I'm a new reader, and you're so inspiring! I've been looking through your archives all night. (: (No, I don't mean that creepishly) and the funny thing is, I think our dads work together. Hahah (Okay, I know that totally sounds creeper-esque, but I promise I'm just a teen surfing the web, honest)!

  2. Thanks for reading, Robin. :) That's pretty neat that our dads work together, if they do!